we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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