I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
