I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
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