This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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