Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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