I hate all girls vehemently.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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