someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
