I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
