so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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