Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
