the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
