so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
