Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
