i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
