In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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