I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
