I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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