just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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