The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My hand turned me down
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
