I can text with my tongue
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The dick lei will go down in squad history
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
