You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
