it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
