this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
