dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
