I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
