I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
