i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
