why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So vagazzling was a success
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
