She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
