of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I don't deserve a penis
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize