I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
