umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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