So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
