ugly people sure do ruin things
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
