I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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