so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
