Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
