Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
