My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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