So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm passing your future prison.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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