I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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