ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
