dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He? As in you personified your dick?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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