ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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