my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
