Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I forgot how hot balto sounded
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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