she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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