i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
