If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I don't deserve a penis
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
