I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
