he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
