There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
