I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
And then he peed in my hair
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