i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
