ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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