I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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