remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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