Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
