i don't plan on having that self control this summer
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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