So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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