peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
