Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
