nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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