I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
