there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
