Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
