I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize