He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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