dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
