This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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