entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
