Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
