ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize