There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
