I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
