Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i out mim tonsoeep
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