Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
