just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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