it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
