haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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