quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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