Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
4 words: hood of his car
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize