..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
