last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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