also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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