I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
