i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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