How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
