HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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