That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
