i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
