her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
