I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
worst night to have a conscience
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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