Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize