you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
