I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
