Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
