Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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