I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
