Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
