I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
