My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
