Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
