So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Found the puke drawer
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
