Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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