I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
