your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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