he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
