He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
