i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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