i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
