24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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